Pleasureful Embarrassment

      The damp warmth of her breath barely brushing across my ear was almost my undoing as she leaned in for the obligatory greeting, a kiss on BOTH cheeks! Our eyes met for the briefest of instances and I knew that moment that I would not be able to withstand another caress from those lips without shattering right here on the spot! Sooo... As she leaned in AGAIN I let my feet go out from under me and #$&WHAM$%&* right on my tukus! IN FRONT OF HER WHOLE FAMILY! I was mortified, yet willing to deal with this embarrassment to save from professing my love in a babbling rush, if she were to bless me with the touch of those lips again.

The Evil Within (one of my first college papers)

ABSTRACT

           Religion in and of itself is neither good nor bad but man’s practice of religion has been abysmal  at best. Man’s practice of religion has bred violence, sexual misconduct, and exploitation of one’s faith. From the earliest civilizations through today’s time people have been killed in the name of one god or another, sex has run the gamut in religion from erotic artwork to child molestation, and exploitation of one’s faith has come in all shape, sizes, and colors. Most major religions of the world have the same basic tenets for living a wholesome life. Then how do we find such difference in our religions that we kill one another? The tenets are rather clear and easy to understand so where does sexual assault and exploitation fit in? They don’t. These are things that man brings to religion when he starts practicing it.

          Religion in and of itself is neither good nor bad, but man’s practice of religion has been atrocious. Many people have been slaughtered in the name of one god or another, over the ages. Even in today’s society people are being slain behind religious differences. Also in today’s society, and for many centuries previously, so-called “men of god” have committed numerous criminal acts. The majority of the crimes that they commit are sexual in nature, the worse being child molestation. Cardinal sins being committed by Cardinals! Yet another abuse of religious power is the exploitation of man’s faith. Crooked televangelists have, and still are leeching money from people by playing upon their faith. The history of man’s practice of religion is a tale of violence, sexual misconduct, and exploitation.

            Since ancient history violence has mixed with religion. Many of the founding civilizations; the Romans, the Greeks, the Egyptians; would torture and even kill those with opposing beliefs. In 4^th century Rome Constantine converted to Catholicism and anyone found to be practicing previously believed religions were put to death (Crabtree, 2002). The inquisitions held by the Catholic Church were a field day of torture and religious persecution, terrorizing anyone who did not share their religious views (unknown, 2010). Another appalling example would be the Crusades that lasted for 200 years. Muslims and Christians murdered one another by the thousands behind religious differences (unknown, The Crusades, 2000).

            Even in today’s society people are killing one another over religious beliefs. The war on terror is a prime example. Islamic Fundamentalist despise American culture and religion so much they are willing to die to eradicate the world of the “evil Christian Americans” (unknown, Fundametalist Islam resurges, 2010). There have also been numerous accounts over the decades of random acts of violence related to religious differences. Religious differences are usually personal choice differences being that most major religions practice the same basic tenets. Religion should be about one’s faith in something greater than themselves which motivates them to live a better, more wholesome life. So where does violence, exploitation, and sexual misbehavior fit into this picture?

            As with violence, sex has often, throughout history, blended into man’s practice of religion, usually in a negative, sometimes criminal manner. Some early civilizations had a god for everything; the sun god, the moon goddess, the god of love, the god of virility, the goddess of erotica; a god for any emotion, or feeling. The way these gods and goddesses were depicted in artwork was usually very erotic in nature. Most of the religious art from early Greece and Rome was very erotic in nature (Tarkovsky, 2006). There was a very thin line between sex and religious idol adoration.

            The blending of erotica with religious art was a small sin compared to the abominations going on inside the Catholic Church of today. Child sexual abuse has run rampant in the church. The news coverage until recently was very hush-hush, but recent outcries by many abused Church members has brought this issue to center stage. For decades the Catholic Church has been turning a blind eye to the sins committed by its clergy (Luzombe, 2009). John Delaney, an assistant district attorney for Philadelphia, spoke out about his abuse as an altar boy by a clergy member (Newal, 2006).  This is not happening in far off places but in our own back yards.

            Sexual predators in the Church prey upon a child’s faith as well as a host of other issues to commit and keep quiet their devious acts, but what about those who blatantly exploit people’s faith for personal benefit. Televangelists have been using people’s faith to milk them for their hard earned money. Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker were perfect examples. They were so blatant as to come on T.V. and plainly state “Send us your money and we will pray for you” (Buddenbaum, 2009). When they were finally exposed and arrested for tax evasion their company had millions and millions of dollars mostly from donations (Buddenbaum, 2009). They were not the only ones but probably the most famous, Jerry Falwell was another crooked televangelist.

            Exploiting mans faith has not just been limited to financial gain. There have been many spiritual cult leaders throughout the years that have turned out to be monsters, Jim Jones and David Koresh being two of the more notable ones. Jim Jones lead his followers to a mass suicide in Jonestown in 1978, 912 people committed suicide (Sumpter, 1994). David Koresh led his followers to death in 1993 in Waco, TX (Sumpter, 1994). Both of these men played upon the faith of their followers to want to believe in something greater than themselves that was tangible. Another fine example of mans practice of religion.

            Religion itself is neither good nor evil; it is merely an outline for a way to live your life. It is when man begins to interpret these religious tenets and incorporate them into their lives that trouble may arise. We are human and prone to mistakes but can blatant disregard for human life, sexuality, and faith be chalked up to mistakes, or is it just our devious nature. Not all practice of religion has been negative; there have been many great occasions that organized religion has played a hand in. Also many organized religions have programs that help those that are less unfortunate which is a wonderful way to show one’s love and belief in god and that we are all god’s creatures. It is a real shame that these aspects of organized religion are overshadowed by the atrocities committed by “people of faith”. How can a religion strive when the very ones who are supposed to be the epitome of a faithful believer are the very ones committing the sins?

            Violence, exploitation, and sexual misconduct sound like descriptions of the latest summer movie not aspects of religious practice. How do we as a people get from “though shall not kill, though shall not steal, though shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife” to the principles we think of today when we speak of religion. These basic principles, of which there are more than three, are central to most all the religions of the world. Then why is it when I hear a discussion about religion it includes such topics as sex, violence, and exploitation?

            The word religion does not hold the same meaning or weight as it used to. A large reason for that is the way we practice religion, which is abysmal at best. Religion has become a very personal thing because organized groups of religion tend to have corruption and deceit mixed in there somewhere, as well as greed. Less and less youths are adhering to and claiming one religious sect such as Lutheran, or Protestant, or Baptist, or whatever. Over the decades we have watched man crush religious principles for personal benefit time and time again. Is religion to blame? Or is it man that should be blamed? Yet, has there been a report of religion killing a man or raping a man or turning his pockets inside out, but man does that to man day in and day out.

           

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Buddenbaum, J. (2009). Religious scandals. Greenwood Press

Crabtree, V. (2002). Mithriasm and early Christianity. Retrieved 2010, from vexen.co.uk

Luzombe, L.D. (2009). Moderating and intensifying factors influencing forgiveness by priests

            and lay people. Pastoral Psychology, p.263-274

Newal, M. (2006). Shining a light on a cover-up. National Catholic Reporter, p.5-11

Sumpter, R. (1994) Jim Jones and David Koresh. Education, p.542

Tarvosky, S. (2006). Sex history in ancient Greece. Retrieved 2010, from Articles Base:

            articlesbase.com

Unknown. (2010). Fundamentalist Islam resurges. Retrieved 2010, from The Middle

            East in bible prophecy: beyondtoday.tv

Unknown. (2000). The Crusades. Retrieved 2010, from History learning site:

            historylearningsite.co.uk

Unknown. (2010). The inquisition. Retrieved 2010, from The Jewish Virtual Library:

            jewishvirtuallibrary.org

Untitled (early writing)

The wind gently moves the swings

In a sandbox, a lone child is silently destroying sandcastles

On a park bench,

A young mother quietly weeps…

Angry voices float down from an open window

Off in the distance, a siren wails its sad song

In the street,

A man lays slain…

Pools of blood forever reflect the streetlights

Painful Reminiscings (An early writing, I was 20 maybe)

Painful reminiscing…

  Eyes like emeralds, slanting ever so slightly

  Mischievous smile, bordering on erotic

  Olive toned skin, hair like dark silk

  Full figured yet demure

  Blazingly sexy yet innocently sensual

Torturous memories…

  Falling into a fathomless pit of love

  The wonderful times spent getting to know one another

  The romantic picnics by the river

  The quiet evenings spent under the stars

  The lazy afternoons spent in bed

Agonizing thoughts of you…

  Your soft laughter, your throaty voice like music to my soul

  Your exceptional understanding and caring

  Your maddening stubbornness

  Your stimulating touch, the feel of your body next to mine

  The soft caress of your lips, the murmured words I love you

You still invade my every thought

  I still catch your scent

    I still see your face

My soul still yearns

  My body still craves

    My mind still longs

      My heart still aches

YOU, YOU, YOU

Will it ever stop?

  Will your memory fade?

    Do I want it to?

      Will I let it?

Still loving you

  Always missing you

    Today

      Tomorrow

        Always…

   

How Come Justice is Always on the Side of the Asshole

     I am not a violent person.
BUT a large portion of our society needs to have their ass kicked!!! When did being disrespectful, rude, ignorant, beligerent, etc. become acceptable behavior? How many times have you had to say to yourself or someone with you, "forget about it. It's not worth it." because someone has just seriously disrespected you or someone with you and kept it movin like they had the right?? I cannot tell you how many times I have been out and either had this happen to me personally or seen it; a guy try to holla at a girl who is obviously with another guy. Now, okay playa, you tried your hand, the girl blew you off, but you can't let it go at that. The guy has to either say some real disrespectful shit or doesn't quit bothering the girl. Now the guy with the girl, who doesn't get into trouble, is out to just have fun, has to make a decision. This is the real kicker, if the guy knocks out the disrespectful guy, as he should, he is going to jail. That's justice??? How many times you bump into someone, say excuse me, and still get cursed out? That's right? The guy that cuts line and you politely say something; "Fuck you" is what you get back and the people running the store, business, whatever, don't want to get involved because they don't wat to get sued. When did our justice system become a shield to allow assholes to just run rampant with no repercussions? I know that there is no real solution to this problem and it's a reflection of the lack of family structure and the teachings of morals and principles that come along with that. I just don't understand the desire to be mean, evil, hateful to another for no apparent reason. I live in the wrong era...

Fashion Show Review

STAR MODELS 5^TH ANNIVERSARY FASHION SHOW

            Camera flashes and bright smiles greet me as I enter Star Models 5^th Anniversary Fashion Show. The setting is The Greek Room at Macys Center City, an elegant venue perfect for this event. The room is brimming with proud family members of the young models, eagerly awaiting the start of the show. One of the host’s for the day, Rita J. from Mo*Kai*ec Productions, is taking comments from family members on how this youth development program has affected the lives of these young ladies modeling for us today. The thanks and gratitude was clearly written all over people’s faces, but the pride and happiness in the voices of parents, aunts, uncles siblings, and cousins was a joy to hear. Truly a joyous day.

            It’s showtime! The chattering voices and raucous laughter die down as the program director, Henrietta Hadley, takes the podium. After a brief introduction the music is cranked up and the first young model walks the floor. She is wearing a cute little black and white shorts set, and even though her eyes are darting about nervously, her smile and her step is right on point! The show was off to a great start as a booming applause echoed around the room. Eleven more young ladies strutted across the room in an array of spring fashion. Beautiful pinks, vibrant yellows, and soft baby blues sprinkled the collection. Some girls were timid and a little shy, while others were bold and brazen, but all of them were beautiful. To see their faces light up when the enthusiastic applause enveloped them was amazing!

            After the first round of fashion, Henrietta introduced a special guest, Valerie Ward Miss Black Pennsylvania. Ms. Ward, looking elegantly gorgeous, gave a brief bio on each model. As their bio was read, the ladies came out in pairs to walk the floor in stunning spring dresses. Wonderful sun dresses in pretty floral prints, baby-doll dresses in lovely pastels, and long, loose, flowing dresses in sizzling bright greens and yellows made up the collection. Most of the girls were over their nervous jitters, so it was all big smiles and some adorable posing. They looked like it was a sunny day in the park.

            The next portion of the program was a tribute to Michael Jackson. One of the older models, 14 or 15 yrs old, and a young gentlemen did a dance routine to the music of Michael Jackson. Very entertaining! After this was the main portion of the program, each model walked the floor in a garment of her own making. I must say, some of these young ladies have an impeccable eye for fashion. I saw some very nice silhouettes, a lot of movement in the dresses, and the color palettes were gorgeous. This was the moment for these girls to shine, modeling their own designs for their family and friends. The smiles were blinding! The show concluded with each model receiving an award from Star Models for excellence and achievement. In addition, scholarships for a summer program at Moore College were awarded to four of the young ladies. Overall, I would say the event was a smashing success.

            This show today would not have been possible were it not for the founder of Star Models, Henrietta Hadley. She started by just playing “Top Model” with some of the girls at the local recreation center after school. She donated just a couple hours a week to these young girls, which grew into a youth development program. She named her program Star Models and works with girls between the ages of 8-16 who are interested in the fashion industry. The program covers topics like building self-esteem, individuality, social graces, career awareness and preparation, etc. It also includes such activities such as weekly group exercises, weekly team building challenges, talent show, career fair, fashion show, and more. With the help of people like Rita J. and Kimberlyn Bannerman from Beauty By Divination, Henrietta has built this program up to what it is today. That is a great accomplishment she should receive an award! These young lives are being shaped and molded everyday by their environment and the people in their life. It is nice to know that there are people who care enough to take the time to put together a program like this. I look forward to the 6^th Anniversary Fashion Show.

First Date: A How To Guide

               A few discreet glances, a shared smile; ahh the courting game has begun! The delicious excitement at the prospect of a new love interest, has its first stirrings. As you saunter over her way, feigning confidence, there is a running monologue in your head. Smile, be smart, be funny, and for heavens sake, please don’t make an ass out of yourself! You politely ask if you may join her, she demurely accepts. Introductions are made, seats are taken, and hopefully a little alcohol is served. You attempt to dazzle her with your witty banter and charming disposition. Hopefully she is just a touch dazzling as well. All this leading up to that inevitable question, you know the one. You calmly ask, “Can I take you out sometime?” While your insides are doing Cirque De Soleil acrobat flips and you sit there in nail-biting, sweating anticipation as those three seconds stretch by like a never ending rubber band, before she says that magical word, “Sure”. Ahhh you’ve done it! You’ve procured a first date. Now what shall you do with it?

                I believe that no matter how old I get a first date will always make me feel like an awkward teen all over again. What do I say? What do I wear? Where do we go? How much do I tell her about myself? Oh all these thoughts like giant ping-pong balls of agony and stress bouncing around in my head. Relax! Breathe! Relax! She already must have some interest in you or she would not have said yes! So, just be yourself and either she will like you or not.

                I like to do two-part first dates. The first part of the date is usually something silly or fun to put you both at ease. Things like go-carts, batting cages, miniature golf, or my all time favorite roller skating. Usually these are things that she has not done in awhile and they’re fun. You can relax, have some laughs, and just see if you enjoy each others company.

                Roller skating is the best. You laugh, you fall all over each other, you do couples skate, and the next day when her girlfriend asks how the date was, she doesn’t go, “Oh the same old, same old.” She says, “Girl! He took me roller skating! I had so much fun. I hadn’t done that in years.” Now that you’re both relaxed you move to the second part of the date.

                The second part is the actual getting- to- know- you part. Drinks somewhere, maybe a little bite to eat, and conversation. This is also a good point to show your consideration for her. Ask her if there is somewhere she knows of that she would like to get drinks. Women are usually more comfortable in familiar surroundings. Now this is very important, this is not an interview! Do not fire questions at this young lady, but at the same time do not recite your entire life story. Let the conversation flow wherever it may go, and if you are interested in each other the little important questions will find their way into the conversation. Your entire evening should be about three hours long.

                There, it is done! A first date that hopefully went well. There are small hints and innuendos that will let you know if she is truly interested. So pay attention! And for me, if this was a picture perfect first date, it would end with a sweet kiss that hopefully sets off sparks of iridescent colors shooting behind my closed eyes. That would make her last murmured words of “call me”, as she shuts the door, sound like music to my ears.

Today Was A Good Day

This is from around 1994, I was 19.

             It’s 5 AM and I’m freezing. The line seems to stretch on forever. I see my buddy Benny from

2^nd street

shuffling along with everyone else to get his bowl of grits and coffee. I ease over to Benny to see if I could get a break in line. He sees me coming and makes some space for me to slide into. I turn to see how Benny is doing and I notice the slight glaze to his eyes that tells me he’s already had his morning fix and won’t be much on talking. See, Benny is one of the few of us who has a job, but his habit eats all of his pay. I’m lucky I guess, no habit, but I can’t get a job. If you don’t have a residence its hard to get a job, even temp work. Benny got his job before he lost his place. Now he lives in an alley off 2^nd between Grace & Franklin.

            AHH hot grits and hot coffee, tastes like shit but its hot and takes the pains away. Over breakfast, if you want to call it that, Benny tells me it’s his day off but this demolition crew needs a couple of people to help clean this lot where a house was torn down. It’s a lot of toting and carrying shit then throwing it on a dumptruck but it’s fresh green bills at the end of the day and chances like that don’t come very often. So Benny and I head down to Stafford & Carrie.

            We find the lot and the foreman tells us what to do. He gives us five dollars for lunch, tells us to break at 11:30 be back at noon and he’ll be back around four to pay us. I don’t ask how much because it doesn’t much matter, I’m just happy to know I’ll get a good meal today. The foreman leaves and one of the other guys comes over to show us where to start. I guess he’s the guy Benny knows because Benny tells him thanks for the tip about the job. Oh well, time to get to work.

            Lunch time came quick. Benny and I walked down to the store at Carrie & Meadow. I got two pieces of chicken, some potato wedges, and a quart of beer. Benny skipped lunch and got a ten dollar egg to ease his sickness. I went with Benny down under the overpass so that he could fix. Then I shared my chicken with him and drank my beer, both of us enjoying our own types of high until time to go back to work.

            The foreman came back at about quarter after four. He paid us $55 apiece and that shocked me. Most people wouldn’t pay us a descent wage because they know we won’t say anything. We’re just happy to get some money. He also said we could work for the next three days if we wanted and maybe more after that. Benny couldn’t because of his job but I said hell yeah! My daddy used to say even the sun shines on a dogs ass some days. I guess this was one of my days.

            Benny asked me if I wanted to celebrate with him and I said yeah why not. Like I said, I don’t have a habit but I still like to get high. Besides I hadn’t been doing anything but staying in the old elevator shaft I called home. We went back to the store at Carrie & Meadow. I went in the store to get us beers while Benny went to get us a couple of bags from his man at the seafood joint across the street.

            Benny had a clean point, he let me use it first then he fixed after me. It feels good to really relax after a real days work. We walked over to the park on

Clay St.

at the top of Jackson Ward to see some friends that stay over that way and watch the young bucks play ball.

            We hung out until about 10:30 getting pretty twisted then I told Benny I had to go. I had to get up and go to work in the morning. Man, that sounds strange coming out of my mouth but goddammit it felt good. I stopped by Alladins and got a slice of pizza then made my way back to the elevator shaft.

            Now as I lay here, my body half numb, I have to say today was a good day. The next three days ought to be good ones as well, after that I don’t know. I just take it as it comes. I been around enough to take whatever life throws at me. I’m a survivor! I might be down for now but I got to have hope that Ill make it one day and have something to call my own. Until then I have to make the best out of what I have and for now today is about as good as it gets. Goodnight.

Switch

Anger, Hatred

Bubbling up like lava of the soul

Waiting to erupt,

Spewing forth liquid fire from the tongue

Blinding explosions pummeling the unexpected

            SWITCH

Happiness, Love

Blossoming like flowers in your mind

Waiting to bring joy,

Emanating outward waves of positive energy

Showering down like spring rain on the unsuspected

            SWITCH

Anger, Hatred

A splinter piercing into your inner being

Festering, Festering

Infection, Disease

Succumbing to the darkness in your mind

            SWITCH

Happiness, Love

A rush of pleasure caressing your soul

Growing, Growing

Infatuation, Sheer delight

Succumbing to the beautiful light in your mind

            SWITCH

Anger

            SWITCH

Happiness

            SWITCH

Hatred

            SWITCH

Love

            SWITCH

            SWITCH

            SWITCH

            SWITCH

What is a Man???

            There are many textbook definitions that may differ slightly from societal definitions. These may include the definitions of family, friendship, relationship, mother, father, etc. The meanings of these words are usually a personal perception that each of us forms through our own experiences, and the textbook definition is a little too vague leaving us needing more. The Encarta World Dictionary definition of a man is an adult male human being. Does this fully encompass what a man is or should be? Not for me!

            At 18 we, as human males, technically become a man, but I know plenty of 18 yr. olds who are failing to fulfill their roles as a man. And not to pick on 18 yr. olds because there are plenty of 25, 30, 35 yr. olds who are behaving the same. It is a pitiful definition of what most of society considers to be a man. It is even beyond pitiful the expectations that most men place upon themselves to be considered a man.

            What constitutes a man? Is it his masculinity, his machismo, his charisma? Or is it the way he carries himself, the way he handles his responsibilities, the way he gives of himself to those he loves?

            A man, to me, is someone who stands on his own two feet first. He does this so that he may provide, care for, and love those who love care for, and depend on him. Whether this be financial support, emotional support, moral support, or just plain being there. It’s that look of awe and wonder and respect shining from a child’s eyes. Forget Superman or Batman my Daddy can do anything! It’s being that role model and pillar of strength and stability that others may turn to. It’s being a man.

            “MMM… Baby you are filling out that dress in all the right places! Can I get your number?” I watch guys on a daily basis disrespect women and this is supposedly flirtation. I wouldn’t want you to speak to my mother, my sister, my aunt, my wife, or my friend this way. Yet this is manly? Also, I know plenty of big, strong macho men who feel they are taking care of their responsibilities because they left their child and his or her mother with some money on the streets. Yet, you are now disciplining your child through the Department of Corrections telephone. Paying bills, paying child support does not fulfill a man’s role of being a father or a husband.

            This is not an easy task! The bar of expectations should be set high for a man. If we shoot for the stars and only make it to the clouds, that’s better than being stuck in the mud. First, though, there must be some expectations set. There is so much more to being a man than just qualifying as an adult male human being. Be that man that other men around you strive to be. Be that father, that husband, that brother, that uncle, that nephew, that son, that friend, that man that you should be.

Come on in... Put ya feet up and get comfy!

I am a writer and I need to start contacting with an audience and get some feedback and just see if I can hold someones attention! I WILL NOT bore you with some long-winded monologue on who I am, instead I will get right to my writings and let you form your own opinions. ENJOY!!!